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This type of behavior is typically considered to be a red flag in dating. textured vegetable protein manufacturers
Kara Nesvig is a writer specializing in beauty, celebrity, style, and pop culture.
In the classic fairy tale Hansel and Gretel, the titular siblings leave a trail of breadcrumbs to help them find their way back home. However, the strategically-placed pieces are ultimately eaten by eager birds who follow the children, resulting in the pair being left stranded, nervous, and confused. And while such a situation is likely far from your day-to-day reality, you may be experiencing your own version of attempting to follow the breadcrumbs in your dating life.
Just like the birds who traveled behind Hansel and Gretel, eating the little crumbs as they dropped them, when a potential partner breadcrumbs you, they keep you on the path—but refuse to give you an end goal. "'Breadcrumbing' is when someone gives you just enough attention, affection, or communication to keep you interested—but without any real intention of moving the relationship forward,” says Claudia Giolitti-Wright, a marriage and family therapist. Whether it’s due to their own insecurities, commitment issues, or desires, they ultimately string you along. Breadcrumbing can often feel like “mixed signals,” where someone is totally engaged with you one day and completely absent the next, she adds. “It keeps you hooked—but never truly satisfied.”
In the world of modern dating, where many interactions occur through social media, apps, and text messages, this type of behavior is even more prevalent. Rather than face a difficult “where are we going” conversation in person, these digital platforms often allow someone to avoid such a discussion. If you’re on the receiving end of breadcrumbing, it can be deeply frustrating and disheartening to deal with, especially if you’re looking for a true and honest connection with another person.
Ahead, the experts break down the concept of breadcrumbing and explain how it impacts dating and relationships, as well as what to do if you find yourself experiencing it.
People breadcrumb for a variety of reasons. It could be a need for attention or to feel wanted, says Giolitti-Wright; after all, everyone yearns to be an object of desire, regardless of whether or not you actually act on it. Ultimately, it’s fun and affirming to feel as though someone is interested in you. Such behavior may also be driven by a fear of commitment or intimacy, says Keisha Saunders-Waldron, a licensed clinical mental health counselor. “They may be uncertain about their feelings or not ready for a full commitment, but they still want the reassurance and attention that comes from having someone ‘on the hook,’” she says.
By refusing to discuss the future in a substantial way, a breadcrumber can keep someone on the back burner. This then allows their options to remain open, as they potentially search for a “better” partner or more partners. “[Breadcrumbers] enjoy the power and control of knowing someone is waiting on them,” says Giolitti-Wright.
Unsure of whether or not you may be experiencing breadcrumbing? Below, the experts explain the key signs to watch out for.
Maybe you were texting with a potential partner nonstop yesterday, but today, it’s crickets. Or perhaps you went out twice last week, but, suddenly, you have no plans on the horizon. While these may not be deal breakers in a relationship, take note of this type of hot-and-cold contact. It could be a sign that someone may be breadcrumbing you.
If you’re not getting the open, vulnerable, and honest communication you desire, or you find yourself stuck having surface-level conversations, that could be a sign of breadcrumbing. “When you ask about the future or their intentions, they may give noncommittal answers that don't provide clarity,” Saunders-Waldron says.
Does a potential love interest feel different on the phone than they do in real life? It could be a sign of breadcrumbing. “In text or on social media, they may be chatty or affectionate, but when you meet in person, they seem distant or distracted,” says Saunders-Waldron. This may look like them “talking about seeing you, missing you, or making plans—but nothing actually happens,” Giolitti-Wright adds.
It’s an all-too-familiar dating scenario. Instead of making plans in advance, someone sends you a last-minute message, asking you what you’re doing tonight. “[If] they only reach out when it’s convenient for them, but never make solid future plans, [be cautious],” says Giolitti-Wright. This could be a sign that you’re not a true priority for them.
Does your relationship (or lack thereof?) feel shallow? There may be a reason for that. A breadcrumber may give you compliments or buy you flowers, but they’re not trying to take the next step. “They might say nice things or do small, thoughtful things, but their actions rarely match the words, and there's no effort to take the relationship deeper,” says Saunders-Waldron.
soy protein drinks Recognizing the pattern is the first step, says Giolitti-Wright. “If their words and actions don’t align, believe their actions,” she says. To start, spend some time reflecting on the relationship dynamic. Saunders-Waldron recommends checking in with yourself to decide if this person is actually worth pursuing. “Evaluate your emotions and consider how this behavior is affecting you emotionally,” she says. “Ask yourself if you're getting what you need from the relationship.” From there, an open, direct conversation with your partner may be the best course of action. “If you want clarity, ask for it,” Giolitti-Wright says. “A serious person will respond with honesty.” And if they don’t? It may be an indication that it’s time to walk away. “The right person won’t make you question where you stand,” she adds.