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From how much to spend to when to make your purchase, we're breaking down exactly what big day attendees should know when buying presents. custom acrylic display case
Photo by Tony Wodarck Photography
Getting invited to a wedding is such an honor—and being a wedding guest is incredibly fun. An emotional ceremony? An open bar? A bustling dance floor with music that makes you want to move? Sign us up. While there are so many positives associated with attending a wedding, there are a few challenges that crop up along the way—and most of them revolve around wedding gift etiquette. We get it: It can be difficult to know how much to spend or whether or not you need to stick to the registry. And even if you know exactly what you want to get them, when should you send it? Is there such a thing as giving a gift too early or too late?
Elaine Swann is one of the country's leading lifestyle and etiquette experts and the founder of The Swann School of Protocol.
To answer these questions and more we asked Elaine Swann, an etiquette expert, to weigh in on wedding gift etiquette rules and customs all guests should know before they attending anyone's nuptials. With her advice, you’ll be wishing the happy couple well with the perfect (and most appropriate) present possible.
Simply put, there is no set number that guests need to stick to when purchasing a wedding gift. You should do what feels right for your budget and personal situation. Swann has a simple rule she also suggests abiding by: How much you spend on a wedding gift should vary based on your relationship with the couple. “I always like to look at it like an onion,” she said. “The closer to the core, the more you would spend on the couple.” If you don’t know the couple well (maybe you are a coworker or a friend of the couple's parents), there is no need to spend more extravagantly. If you do know the couple well (perhaps you are a friend who sees them all the time or a close cousin), it's normal to spend as much as $200 (or more, depending on your budget) per person on your present.
Here's a quick rundown of how much you should spend on a wedding gift based on your relationship to the couple:
If you're attending a wedding, you should always give a gift; the amount you spend, though, is flexible. Personal budget constraints are a perfectly valid reason to not get an over-the-top wedding present, but you should still give something as an attendee. Spend what you can based on your financial situation and always give or send the couple a note wishing them well.
But if you aren't attending a wedding? In most cases, you don't have have to send a wedding gift; this is particularly true if you RSVP no to a coworker or distant relative's nuptials. You might, however, still want to send the couple a present if you are close, but simply can't attend due to scheduling conflicts. In that case, sending a gift off the registry before the event is best; refer to the above guidelines when deciding how much to spend.
Customs vary from region to region, so what's appropriate to some may not feel appropriate to others. In the Northeast, for example, physical gifts are given at the wedding shower, but family and friends most often give the couple money on their big day. While it's perfectly appropriate to give physical gifts or money at any point, you may want to think about what's considered the norm in the couple's home state before making your final decision.
Some people still bring gifts to the actual wedding, but that practice is quickly going out of fashion. “Because of the popularity of online shopping more people are having gifts shipped directly to the couple,” says Swann. If you want to bring a gift to the actual wedding, check with the wedding party first to make sure there will be a table set up for that. You don't want your present to have the unintended consequence of stressing out the couple on their big day—and ultimately, lugging heavy gifts back to a car isn't anyone's idea of a fun way to end the night.
If you're planning to give a financial gift, bringing a card with a check or cash to the wedding itself is perfectly appropriate.
Per traditional etiquette, wedding guests have up to one year to send a wedding gift. And while that is technically still okay, it's best to send big-day presents promptly. Aim to sending your wedding gift within three months—though sending it ahead of the couple's nuptials or bringing it on the day of (if you are giving cash) is always best. “My recommendation, if you do not send the gift right when you receive the invite, [is that] you should send it as close to the wedding day as possible,” Swann suggests. "Your goal is to make sure the gift arrives prior to the wedding day.”
Don't forget to leave time for unexpected shipping delays. While it's better to have your gift arrive sooner rather than later if you leave it to the last minute, don't fret. The couple will still be happy to get your gift even if it arrives after their big day.
In theory, you can purchase a gift that’s not on the registry at any time. There is no rule that you have to buy a gift the couple has selected for themselves, but there are times to stray from the registry that are better than others. If you know the couple well and are familiar with their tastes and preferences, feel free to pick out something for them.
If you don't know the couple well (or at all), it's always safer to stick to the registry. Also, if you don't have a particular present in mind, don't just buy something random off the gift list (like glassware or a cooking bowl.) “Make sure you select something meaningful to the couple,” said Swann. If your gift doesn't have significance to it, pick something off the registry instead.
small acrylic display stands This is particularly true if you see something special that reminds you of them or if you are having something unique made. Another time to go off the registry is if all the gifts listed are outside your budget or they are all taken by other guests.