Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. She has a Master's degree in clinical psychology.
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A handshake is a type of greeting that involves grasping hands followed by a brief up and down movement. Handshakes are used as both a greeting and parting gesture throughout the world.
Handshakes can be an important part of making a first impression. Although it is possible to overcome a poor first impression, it is easy to learn how to avoid some of the typical mistakes that people make when shaking hands.
We have all been the recipient of a bad handshake. We've all dished out a few of our own too. It's not the end of the world, and it is more than possible to make a great first impression in a number of other ways—and to improve your form.
Once you perfect a firm, comfortable, and well-timed handshake, it'll become second nature, whether you are shaking hands with an old friend or with a potential employer.
And when you inevitably slip up and feel a handshake going awry, don't worry—anyone who would pass judgment on you you based solely on your handshake is probably not someone you'd want to be friends with or work with anyways.
Handshakes can be a valuable communication tool for making a first impression. These gestures are often exchanged within the context of business or social relationships. They signify a greeting, but they also help inspire feelings of trust and intimacy.
During periods of increased illness, such as flu season, some people feel hesitant about shaking hands. Staying up-to-date on vaccines can help lower the risk, but good hand hygiene is essential no matter what. Wash hands frequently and use hand sanitizer if soap and water are not available.
Knowing when to shake hands is also an important part of using this gesture effectively. Handshakes have traditionally been a preferred greeting in a variety of contexts, particularly upon meeting someone for the first time.
The COVID-19 pandemic threw this tradition into a state of limbo. Not only was shaking hands frowned on, but it was also often openly discouraged in many public settings.
For the most part, people have returned to the age-old practice of handshaking, but many individuals may still be less comfortable with a handshake than they once were. This can add a layer of complexity when determining when to shake hands. You need to determine if the situation calls for a handshake, and also if others will even welcome the greeting.
If you're not sure if extending your hand is the right move to make, pay attention to the body language of the people you are greeting. When others appear to hesitate, consider easing the awkwardness by simply making another greeting gesture and moving forward with the conversation. If someone appears not to want to shake your hand, don't be offended. And if you're unsure about whether or not someone will accept your handshake offer, you can let them make the first move.
While shaking hands might be a time-honored greeting, not everyone appreciates or wants to participate in this social tradition. Some people might prefer to avoid this type of contact for a variety of reasons, including a desire to limit contact with germs. Even long before the COVID-19 pandemic, some experts proposed the idea of handshake-free zones.
On the other end of the spectrum, you may find yourself in a situation where you go in for a handshake and the other person wants to bring it all the way in for an embrace. If you're comfortable with that, just go with the flow! Ultimately, you are the best judge of your relationship to others, so you'll know what to prepare for.
If you want to avoid the need to shake hands, some strategies you might try include:
You can preempt a handshake if you are really uncomfortable with it. Strategies you might try include carrying something in both hands or offering a fist bump, elbow tap, or quick wave before the other person reaches out their hand.
Observing some basic guidelines can help you get handshakes right. Handshake grip should be no harder than the strength that you would use to hold a door handle. You should also match your grip to the person you are shaking hands with.
Avoid standing too close when shaking hands. If someone is too close to you, simply take a step back. Unless the other person has you in a vice grip, you should be able to reclaim your personal space.
The ideal handshake lasts two to three seconds and does not go on longer than the verbal introduction. Any longer, and it can seem like you are just holding hands.
If you're worried about sweaty or clamming hands, try discreetly wiping your palms before you shake hands. For cold hands, you might try warming them up by rubbing them together or keeping an instant heat packet in your pocket.
In addition to following some basic advice on how and when to shake hands, there are a few different types of handshakes that you should avoid. Some common "bad" handshakes include:
A good handshake involves observing body language, maintaining appropriate distance, and using a firm but gentle grip. Avoiding certain types of "bad" handshakes, such as those that are too strong or too weak, it also important.
In the end, knowing how to shake hands correctly is a skill that requires practice. Shake hands when you have the opportunity, and in time it will become as second nature as saying "thank you."
When all else fails and you find yourself offering a bad handshake, what should you do? Move on. Try to distract the other person with a question or compliment. Although you can only make one first impression, there is usually plenty of time to make up for a bad one.
The best thing to do after a bad handshake is to simply move the conversation forward. Rather than highlighting the awkwardness, moving past it can help focus on what's important and help minimize the effects of a poor first impression. This holds true when you are the recipient or the deliverer of the bad handshake.
The meaning of a bad handshake may depend on the type it was. A dominant or bone-crusher handshake can indicate that the other person is trying to take charge of the conversation. A handshake that is limp, clammy, or that is not accompanied by eye contact might indicate that the other person is anxious.
Handshakes can have different meanings based on their characteristics. A firm, brief handshake that is accompanied by friendly body language may convey that the other person is genuinely interested.
A handshake that is too strong might suggest that the other person is trying to dominate the interaction. A weak grip might suggest disinterest or nervousness, while handshakes that last too long or involve standing too close may result in feelings of awkwardness or discomfort.
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By Arlin Cuncic, MA Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. She has a Master's degree in clinical psychology.
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